Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
