the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
