I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
