So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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