I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
