Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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