Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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