I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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