i permit you to call me
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
