i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
