A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
