3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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