Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
