Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
