the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
