he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
