The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
