he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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