Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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