i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
