Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
