Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
