it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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