I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
