I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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