Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
