Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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