They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
