apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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