Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
