Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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