I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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