i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
