just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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