I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I cannot find my penis.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Randomize
