I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
