Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
