I will die if light touches me.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
