About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
