if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
