this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
