I think my fart just growled at me.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
