Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
