i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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