Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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