I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
