Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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