I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
