No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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