It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
